December 2005 Archives

I just finished wrapping presents. The kids are in bed and so are the cats. I just wanted to take a moment or two to enjoy this quiet.

*sigh*

So far, this has been the most enjoyable holiday season in ... well, I would say years but that would be an understatement. I don't remember a Christmas that felt so right. Only one thing could make it better and that will happen on Tuesday.

Merry Christmas. Enjoy your families. Tell someone you love them. That truly is the greatest gift.

Traditions. We all have them. This time of year is chock full of 'em. They get pulled out of trunks and attics and closets, wrinkly, moth-eaten and more than a little musty. They take up room, pushing other things out of the way, generally making a nuisance of themselves while loudly demanding we PAY ATTENTION TO THEM. It's not until we accept them and just let ourselves get swept up in the familiarity of traditions can we truly enjoy them.

Unfortunately, I'm smack dab in the middle of the nuisance phase. Today is the one day I have to get the house ready for Christmas and maybe it's too much pressure to expect it to go smoothly. I'm trying to get into the spirit, be joyful, joyful, and I'm trying to drag two sullen teenagers with me. And they are kicking and screaming, literally. I just broke up the umpteenth argument [which broke out after my son (inadvertently?) kicked my daughter in the head] ... Oh yeah, it's been that kind of day.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Just turned in my final exam (only 1.5 hours late, but who's counting?) and boy is my brain tired!

This was a busy week, full of final projects and papers and this 'thinkpiece' of an exam. Excellent classes, both of them ... very practical work, especially the end projects. Going into my final project, I had a 99 in my Planning for Technology class. In my Intro to IT class, I had all A's and 2 or 3 A+'s, including two of my 4 final projects. Now I just have to wait for those last two grades to be posted.

Oh, I know I have A's, I just like to see it.

Yes, I'm a grades junkie. If I feel I'm not doing well, I'll just give up and withdraw rather than get a bad grade. If I get a point or two off of a project, I will resubmit. I don't know how I got this way. I was terrible in high school and just did what I had to do to get out of college the first time.

Maybe now it's because I have something to prove. Every perfect score I get is a giant flip of the bird to everyone that said I would bever be good enough. I don't even care of they know how well I do in school. I know. I'm proving to myself that I am better than they said I was.

I also have more to lose. Every day in school is one step closer to my goal. I don't want to drag my feet, I'm ready to move up, move on.

Why am I so anxious? I don't know. Maybe that's a result of wasting 15 years of my life miserable, stagnant. Maybe because I spent another 5 years waiting for something that, in the end, wasn't nearly what I thought it was. Moving on? Why yes, thanks, I'll have a steaming plate of that.

So, classes are done for the time being. They start again in January. Not even looking at the calendar yet.

Also, it's 5 more days of work until The Break. *EEP!* I'm giddy with anticipation. I have a Tech Ventures thing tomorrow (oops, today) and then I'm all about Christmas and Joy and Love and Peace and SLEEP. We'll head out of town on the 17th to visit T and the 'rents and the cows and (maybe) friends. Visiting T's church on the 18th which I'm really looking forward to. Not to put too much pressure on myself but it's the first time in, oh, 20 years that I've stepped into a church for a service. No worries ... I'll be with my kids and his Dad, watching him and his Mom sing so I'll be in good hands.

Once we come home, it's wall to wall Christmas here ... then T comes down for the rest of vacation. It doesn't get better than that, New Years with the one I love.

In other news ... I've been out of karate for a month now and I've gotten my ass chewed out this week ... I deserved it ... and I will go back, I've just had a rough patch between work and school and bronchitis and ... yeah, Chris, I know, a million reasons not to go. I'll prolly have to put off going back until after New Years. *i can hear it now*

I'm stretching again, though. Lee reminded me that I need it at my age *gee, thanks* and it will help relieve stress, something we have no shortage of around here.

Well, I better get back to baking ... first batch of biscotti is just about done. Making Double Chocolate Pecan and Almond Mandlebrot for tomorrow. Jealous? Oh yeah, you know you are.

One class down, one to go. I've just sent in my benchmark project, which is pretty impressive if I do say so myself. I still have to finish my other class, including a 3-5 page research paper on the role of women in computer science (I've got to get a catchier title), a 2 page paper summarizing an interview that I am waiting to come in my email (ANY TIME NOW WOULD BE GREAT, REALLY), a professional webpage about yours truly (gag) and a final exam. Then I will be D O N E.

What an emotional semester. I'm ready for it to all be over.

On a happier note, I finished shopping for T's parents today. I also *almost* finished shopping for T ... it's so much easier shopping for people that aren't attached to you at the hip. Yes, you can take that to mean that I haven't shopped for the kids yet. I know, I suck. Honestly, I was out today, all ready to do some shopping since both the boy and the girl went to their father's house this morning. I barely got to Target and started shopping when I got a call that the girl was on her way back to town to come home. All I had time to do was finish up for T's parents and check out before she was there. I feel bad because I was aggravated and I think I made the girl feel really bad, even though I reassured her over and over that it wasn't her fault.

We went to Old Navy afterwards and did some clearance rack shopping (scored a black velour set for me and a couple of shirts for her), then we stopped by Starbucks for a venti Caffe Americano for me (read: pure caffeine with a squirt of hot water) and a venti Hot Chocolate for the girl (read: high test blend of chocolate and sugar that meant I was peeling her off the ceiling for the rest of the afternoon). I had planned on going into Starbucks and staking out a table so I could work on my papers with a caffeine IV until they dropped the girl off, but you know what they say about the best laid plans and all. Yeah, they get fracked by vindictive ex's.

We swung by the Dollar Store afterwards to pick up some paper she needed for school and some candy (which, of course, we were going to wash down with our caffeinated beverages ... what? is that bad?) Then it was back toward the house with a quick swing through Sonic for some chicken salads.

By the time we got home, it was 4 and, umm, yeah, I had wasted the entire day. So here I sit, plugging away, listening to Christmas music non-stop (hey, whatever works) and creating web pages, just hoping to get done. *ack*

As the semester winds down, I'm noticing how mentally tired I am lately. I realize now that one of the reasons I don't have a chance to do anything that is truly innovative here at school is that, since I've started working here, I've been in school. Ok, I actually had a year off so that is not exactly true but, during that year, I was trying to turn this media center around and get things set to right.

*have I always talked like this? How did the local colloquialisms become such a part of my vocabulary? Yesterday, I actually said I had to have a 'come to Jesus' meeting with someone that was having an attitude problem. Wow ... I'm feeling the urge to go out and 'bang a U-ie' just to reassert my Bostonian roots.*

What I wonder is ... how do people do it all? How do they have time to be innovative and current and grow both personally and professionally and not have their head feel all explodey?