Regret

You know it's bad when the simple act of buying a birthday cake mix makes you cry. Who knew that would be a slippery slope?

I went grocery shopping tonight, came home in a foul mood, took the laptop into my room and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the dark, curled around a pillow. No dinner for anyone, no goodnights, no matter. The kids were probably better off letting me sleep but how sad is it that they would just accept this as normal? This is how it goes alone.

No, it's not my birthday, specifically. It's another holiday/milestone/celebration where I have to work hard to make it special, where I have to remind everyone what day it is, where I have to make my own party and along the way I make everyone miserable. I'm tired of it. I'm not saying anything to the kids or my mom and, yes, if it gets ignored I'll be mad but at least I won't have any broken expectations. The cake won't taste any good alone anyway.

It's not like it matters to anyone but me.

UPDATE: Above funk could be partly attributed to the raging bluckies I woke up with on Thursday. Sore throat, raw voice, headache ... darn allergies. Not saying I'm not still suffering from a bit of withdrawl after a wonderful week with T but I'm trying to keep my mood in check. I was afraid I had slipped into something bad there but it looks like it'll smooth out.