Recently in Goju Shorin Category

Something tells me that this year is going to be excellent. No, it's not a palindrome year, though 2002 was pretty good - and totally satisfied my OCD at least until 2112. The year also doesn't have my lucky number in it, although the numbers DO add up to my lucky 8 - but, no, that's not it either. Nope, today I'm working off a high from the last couple of weeks, (which was way better than yours, btw), and a whole bundle of hope.

First off, it's been forever since I've posted but I've been BUSY, really, and taking the time to straighten out my head would take the buzz off the whole experience. Now that it's mostly over, I can breathe and think and reflect and ruminate and talk waaaaay too much about what's been going on in my head. Ready? Yeah, it's going to be a long one.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Just turned in my final exam (only 1.5 hours late, but who's counting?) and boy is my brain tired!

This was a busy week, full of final projects and papers and this 'thinkpiece' of an exam. Excellent classes, both of them ... very practical work, especially the end projects. Going into my final project, I had a 99 in my Planning for Technology class. In my Intro to IT class, I had all A's and 2 or 3 A+'s, including two of my 4 final projects. Now I just have to wait for those last two grades to be posted.

Oh, I know I have A's, I just like to see it.

Yes, I'm a grades junkie. If I feel I'm not doing well, I'll just give up and withdraw rather than get a bad grade. If I get a point or two off of a project, I will resubmit. I don't know how I got this way. I was terrible in high school and just did what I had to do to get out of college the first time.

Maybe now it's because I have something to prove. Every perfect score I get is a giant flip of the bird to everyone that said I would bever be good enough. I don't even care of they know how well I do in school. I know. I'm proving to myself that I am better than they said I was.

I also have more to lose. Every day in school is one step closer to my goal. I don't want to drag my feet, I'm ready to move up, move on.

Why am I so anxious? I don't know. Maybe that's a result of wasting 15 years of my life miserable, stagnant. Maybe because I spent another 5 years waiting for something that, in the end, wasn't nearly what I thought it was. Moving on? Why yes, thanks, I'll have a steaming plate of that.

So, classes are done for the time being. They start again in January. Not even looking at the calendar yet.

Also, it's 5 more days of work until The Break. *EEP!* I'm giddy with anticipation. I have a Tech Ventures thing tomorrow (oops, today) and then I'm all about Christmas and Joy and Love and Peace and SLEEP. We'll head out of town on the 17th to visit T and the 'rents and the cows and (maybe) friends. Visiting T's church on the 18th which I'm really looking forward to. Not to put too much pressure on myself but it's the first time in, oh, 20 years that I've stepped into a church for a service. No worries ... I'll be with my kids and his Dad, watching him and his Mom sing so I'll be in good hands.

Once we come home, it's wall to wall Christmas here ... then T comes down for the rest of vacation. It doesn't get better than that, New Years with the one I love.

In other news ... I've been out of karate for a month now and I've gotten my ass chewed out this week ... I deserved it ... and I will go back, I've just had a rough patch between work and school and bronchitis and ... yeah, Chris, I know, a million reasons not to go. I'll prolly have to put off going back until after New Years. *i can hear it now*

I'm stretching again, though. Lee reminded me that I need it at my age *gee, thanks* and it will help relieve stress, something we have no shortage of around here.

Well, I better get back to baking ... first batch of biscotti is just about done. Making Double Chocolate Pecan and Almond Mandlebrot for tomorrow. Jealous? Oh yeah, you know you are.

Made a few steps this week. Looks like I'm coming back into the light.

Went back to karate Wednesday night. We have a new person in the beginner class. I'm uncomfortable with her in the room. I don't know what it is but something about her energy is wrong. Just can't put my finger on it. She's not respectful, is as close as I can come. Anyway, class was good. The first hour was basics because of the new girl. The next two hours was kicks, katas and sparring. Yes, I sparred. I have so much to learn but I think I can learn and that's what's important. I got a few good shots in ... even though they were giving me openings big enough to drive a truck through.

Got back to my school work today. Losing my DSL and my computer for a bit really threw me off. My kinetic energy took a beating and, I'll tell you, it's hard to build up any steam from a standstill. I knocked out a unit tonight and resubmitted a few assignments that weren't up to my standards, with only a few sidetracking computer problems. While I was putting together a webpage for an assignment, I realized that I lost all my fonts so I went font hunting, never a quick proposition for a font-a-holic. Then I realized that I had no way to FTP the page but, luckily, my favorite monkey had it tucked away for me. Once I got that installed, though, I realized I didn't have my FTP specifics for the ECU server ... by this time, it was closer to midnight so I decided I was pretty much done once I finished building the page. I'll get there.

Had our first 2 days of Intel Training for the Tech Ventures program. It was excellent, very productive. I like the other people in the program. One guy is from Worcester, MA (!!) so we talked about different places in Boston that we used to hang around when we were younger. Some people aren't taking it as seriously as I am (but really, who does take things as seriously as I do??) but I get the feeling they will get their come-uppance. Got some exciting news but I'm going to hold it close until I have confirmation. I've probably already jinxed it *throws salt over shoulder and knocks on wood*

I realized this week that an argument can be just that and it can be resolved, that everything is not always my fault and it's ok if I actually speak up when I'm upset about something. It was scary ... for someone that tries to avoid conflict as much as I do, this was paralysing ... as far as arguments go, this was rational and quiet, now that I think about it. It's ok. As a matter of fact, we're better for it.

Was able to fight through a panic attack this week. I felt the fluttering, aching in my arms, pain in my chest and back, white heat in my skull, leaden weight of my ribs squeezing ... and I came through the other side fairly quickly. I've been peckish and snippy since but that's to be expected. Just a little panic-lag. I just cover it up and smile and no one knows the difference. Right??

Went shopping today. Yeah, I know, I HATE to shop ... and today didn't help change my mind. From the BestBuy register that mysteriously shorted out when I was paying to the gaggle of children crawling underneath the dressing room stalls as I was trying on clothes (Lord help me, I almost kicked one) ... from getting a call while I was in the dressing room to tell me that my daughter was being dropped off in front of the store while I stood in my underwear, fighting the urge to play Kick the Urchin to the register at Lowe's Foods breaking down as I was paying ... from the guilt inducing call from my mother as I stood in the frozen food aisle, apparently selfishly thinking of my self and my family when I should have been thinking about her ... it was her birthday today and she made plans to go on a trip with her friends so we planned to go see her tomorrow. The call was to tell me that she didn't go and that she didn't get any sleep the night before and now she was all alone, doing nothing on her birthday and woe is me. And she was all alone on her birthday. Now she knows how it feels.

Yeah ... shopping today was not exactly a pleasant experience. I left the house at noon, several hours after I wanted to (thanks in no small part to the x), and got the dressing room call at 1. Apparently, I'm the 167 hrs/wk. parent and he's the 1 hr./wk. parent. Oh, I don't even want to go there. I was so furious and just thinking now makes my blood start to boil.

A busy week. I feel as though I'm turning a corner, though. I'm praying for patience as this next week approaches. Yes, I, the heathen, am praying. And it's ok. He listens to heathens, too, whether we believe it or not. I'm willing to take that chance.

I've mentioned karate here several times, mostly in reference to my children taking it or me taking them to it. What I don't usually mention is my personal connection and commitment (and the reason behind it) to the sport.

In college, I needed PE credits to graduate, which makes no sense, really. I mean, I'm PAYING to go to school, I should be able to CHOOSE whether or not I want to take PE. Anyway, I've never been athletically inclined (could explain why I didn't want to take PE!) so choosing a 'sport' in college was a challenge. I had been taking theater and dance classes most of my life but I'm not exactly a 'team player' unless that 'team' is a 'cast' and by 'playing' you mean music. After some procrastination, I finally chose my sports in my junior year. Since I had practiced Archery for many years when I was younger, I took that as an easy A. I also took Fencing, which I absolutely loved.

Notice a trend? Yeah, no team to rely on, just me, my weapon, an opponent and a lot of aiming. Any wonder why I like darts so much?? If only there were an opponent on the board, I'd probably throw better.