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When I Close My Eyes
by Jim Papoulis

When I close my eyes I can see,
When I close my eyes I'm alive,
When I close my eyes then I can see
And I am not afraid.

When I try not to see the reasons why,
If I ever could understand,
I would find the hope to let me try
And I am not afraid.

Take me to the river, take me to the sea,
Climb the highest mountain
And go there with me.
When I close my eyes then I can see
And I am not afraid.

Now I am learning the magic within me
and that is the reason I am standing so tall.
Deep in my heart is a voice that is speaking,
If I keep believing then I will not fall.

Take me to where the wind blows,
Take me to the sun.
Take me to the river that flows to the sea.
When I try to see the reasons why,
If I ever could understand.
I would find the hope to let me try
And I am not afraid.


from SOUNDS OF A BETTER WORLD
ed. by Francisco J. Nunez



Sung by an incredibly talented group of young singers, of course that brought tears to my eyes. My daughter was part of the older group, the Youth Chorale, who followed the littler ones. I'm glad I came out of my routine enough to let her join the Choral Society. She obviously loves singing and has great respect for the music they chose. I watched proudly as they sang songs in German, Latin, Hebrew and finished up with a good ole' American Folk Song. She stood tall, strong, brave ... I thought she looked very professional. Was that my girl?  *checks program* Yeppers. Who knew?

A few days ago, I joined StumbleUpon and I have not been disappointed. I have been pointed to delicious recipes, gorgeous photography, and gems like this.

If you haven't tried it, you may want to look into it. I find that with my busy schedule, I have very little time to surf and I usually end up wasting what little time I do have. Now when I'm bored, I click the Stumble link in my browser and I'm taken someplace new. Also, the extra cool thing is that, when I Stumble across something I like, I can recommend it to others that have the same interests (everything from Astronomy to Web Development) as I do.

UPDATE: and then I find THIS! just. wow.

UPDATE to the Update: and THIS. Can't help but smile.

(clicking on a link will take you to a spoiler ... you have been warned!!!)

Holy Crap!!!

What a difference a year makes. Last year, we were absolutely falling all over ourselves for Rockstar:INXS ... it was SUCH a good show and we had a big dog in that fight. We had to make sure our beloved INXS wasn't going to besmirch the memory of our even more beloved Michael Hutchence. Every week we tried to imagine someone in front of our favorite band and, every week, there was a new debate as someone showed their true colors and had to be cut. We loved the show, we loved the guys, we loved the performers. We even saw the new incarnation of INXS in February.

This season, I started out ambivalent. I mean, I LIKE Tommy Lee, saw him in concert in March and was sufficiently starstruck. Jason is an awesome musician and I respect him so much more after watching his behavior on this show. Gilby, well, I didn't know him before *shame* but I am a fan now. One thing that has sold me on them all is how giddy they are after performing. They aren't tired or out of breath or even sweaty ... they are like little kids on Christmas, all hopped up on adrenaline and candy canes.

The performers were ok, very few standouts. There are some freaks, some geeks, and some very talented people that need to be doing something else. Jill, Storm, Josh, Ryan ... they all could be stars on their own. Jill and Storm make questionable performance choices and Josh and Ryan may be too unique to be molded to Supernova. Oh, and Patrice is already in her own little niche, too.

I like Dilana (who knew?!) and I really like Lukas (especially after the goosebumps he gave me tonight during Creep) ... Magni is getting stronger in my eyes and let's see, who did I forget? Only the forgettable ones.

The eliminations leave me confused and disappointed. One person (Zayra) needed to go home week 1 but was kept around for questionable reasons. Let's just say it's not because she can sing. I know she has some fans (I'm thinking these are the same people that listen to Celine Dion and think Cher is a fashion diva) but she does not belong in this competition. Tonight proved it. She's got to go.

And maybe that's why I'm not as excited about this season. Each week she stays, I question the integrity of the show. I'm going to watch to see if it will redeem itself (and because I love LOVE the shared experience with my sweetie) but I don't have high hopes.

Your thoughts?

What I played today: F1 2001 and Sly Cooper: Thievius Racoonis (PS2) and trying to knock my son off the high score board in Bejeweled 2 (Classic Mode).

Home after a most excellent weekend, unable to sleep. Not exactly sure why since I only got about 4 hours of sleep before waking up at 6 to watch the F1 season opener from Bahrain this morning (they couldn't have it in a later time zone???), had half a pot of coffee and an AMAZING breakfast cooked by T's dad, then went to church until noon, finished off the pot, had a FAB lunch cooked by T's mom (killer. chocolate. pie.) then took about a 45 minute nap (sweet downtime) before having to drive 3 hours home. I actually was tired earlier so I climbed in bed at about 9 to watch TV for a few hours but I woke up at 1 WIDE AWAKE. My system is all out of whack right now so I figured I might burn off some of the excess energy babbling on about the weekend until I either fall out of my chair or my alarm goes off.

I think I know the problem, though. As soon as everything gets quiet, all I hear is a ringing in my ears. Yes, I have a concert hangover.

Whew, I know Valentine�s Day is SO over but 1) I�m still basking in the afterglow and 2) I�ve been crazy busy since and I�m just getting some downtime this weekend. And by downtime, I mean getting an oil change, an inspection and renewing the registration on my �Yota, cleaning my house, doing homework, doing piles of laundry, preparing for a Monday morning training session and putting in some serious Chibi Robo time.

I�m sitting in Greenville Toyota right now getting two of the above things done and while I have crowed about how nice it is here in the past, I�ll be holding off on that today. They are going through some serious renovations and I�m currently sitting in a doublewide that is serving as their waiting room. Hopefully, they are updating their old waiting area to match the rest of their dealership, particularly the Scion area (though they are tearing the roof off the Scion area right now so who knows what they are planning?) All I know is I'm in a car dealer on a Saturday morning and I haven't had coffee yet and I'm not exactly feeling fresh & fruity.

I�ll be leaving here to go to Starbucks to fuel up with a venti Caf� Americano so I can get through all the rest of my stuff. I'm hoping they still have free wireless ... it seems during the renovations here, their router ended up somewhere in a box so I'm reduced to writing in Word and posting later. Oh well, the best laid plans and all that.

Back to Valentine�s Day. Valentine�s Week, I should say. WARNING: If you have an aversion to reading lengthy posts that quite possibly contain giant hunks of cheese, and you know who you are, stop reading now! If you do decide to stop, though, you'll miss a review of a pretty awesome concert and more details of a childless weekend away in a hotel room and you'll never know what I said to the Internets about it. Just sayin'.

Ok, I know I've mentioned here how lucky I am. Today just tops them all.

I'm at work this morning, dragging my bedraggled ass because I've made myself sick over everything lately, and feeling really sorry for myself. I told my assistant I needed to go home at noon ... she starts calling for a sub, I call my principal to let her know and settle in at my desk to write up a sub plan.

As I am wont to do *only, like, a MILLION times a day* I checked my email. A message from T, subject 'Woot!'. FIRST THING that popped in my head was that he was excited about his XBox 360 coming but, when I opened it, I about fell out of my seat.

He got us tickets to see INXS.

*Oh JOY!!*

We watched Rockstar this summer, both eager to see one of our all-time favorite bands perform again, both torn because Michael wasn't there. Would we still love their music? Could anyone replace him? The answer to the first one is a resounding YES! The second one, can JD replace Michael ... no, he can't nor would I want him to try ... but he can help them find a new sound and get back on top.

T knows how I feel and he's totally sold on a new INXS. No need to be sorry, babe. Did I want JD to win? No, I couldn't stand him and I was actually angry when he won ... still working that out, silly as it sounds. I wanted Marty to win and I used that as an excuse to be angry ... but now I think I just didn't want Michael to be really gone. How do you move on from that? How do you replace his talent? You don't. You reinvent.

I'm getting the best of both worlds, a dream come true. I get to see INXS live ... AND I get to see Marty live. MARTY! I was so excited about that prospect that I forgot he would be performing Trees, my absolute favorite original song that came out of Rockstar. Yeah, I like Pretty Vegas, too, T ... I just hate to admit it! You know I'll be singing along!

Wait ... I actually get the best of three worlds ... I get to see all of that with T, the only person I would want to see it with, the only person that understands how I'll be feeling that night and why I want so desperately to fall in love with them again. It's ok, we'll be together and we'll fall in love with the new incarnation together, I just know it. Maybe we'll both have closure over losing Michael. I think our torn strange addiction to the show this summer proved that we need something. We're actually doing the adult thing ... a date-like thing ... hopefully staying overnight since it's 3 hours from here. I may get my hotel wish after all.

BUT WAIT ... that's not all!!!!

A music meme, via Michele:

A.) Go to musicoutfitters.com
B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
C.) Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).

Top 100 from 1982
1. Physical, Olivia Newton-John
2. Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor
3. I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
4. Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band
6. Don't You Want Me, Human League
7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar (don�t ask � it was a summer song)
8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar
9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band
10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago
11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell
12. Chariots Of Fire, Vangelis
13. Harden My Heart, Quarterflash
14. Rosanna, Toto
15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates
16. 867-5309 (Jenny), Tommy Tutone
17. Key Largo, Bertie Higgins
18. You Should Hear How She Talks About You, Melissa Manchester
19. Waiting For A Girl Like You, Foreigner
20. Don't Talk To Strangers, Rick Springfield
21. The Sweetest Thing, Juice Newton
22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson
23. Shake It Up, Cars
24. Let It Whip, Dazz Band
25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's
26. The Other Woman, Ray Parker Jr.
27. Turn Your Love Around, George Benson
28. Sweet Dreams, Air Supply
29. Only The Lonely, Motels
30. Who Can It Be Now?, Men At Work
31. Hold Me, Fleetwood Mac
32. Eye In The Sky, Alan Parsons Project
33. Let's Groove, Earth, Wind and Fire
34. Open Arms, Journey
35. Leader Of The Band, Dan Fogelberg
36. Leather And Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley
37. Even The Nights Are Better, Air Supply
38. I've Never Been To Me, Charlene
39. '65 Love Affair, Paul Davis
40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia
41. Take It Easy On Me, Little River Band
42. Pac-man Fever, Buckner and Garcia
43. That Girl, Stevie Wonder
44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates
45. Trouble, Lindsey Buckingham
46. Making Love, Roberta Flack
47. Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me, Juice Newton
48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart
49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band
50. Keep The Fire Burnin', REO Speedwagon
51. Do You Believe In Love, Huey Lewis and The News
52. Cool Night, Paul Davis
53. Caught Up In You, 38 Special
54. Why Do Fools Fall In Love?, Diana Ross
55. Love In The First Degree, Alabama
56. Hooked On Classics, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
57. Wasted On The Way, Crosby, Stills and Nash
58. Think I'm In Love, Eddie Money
59. Love Is In Control, Donna Summer
60. Personally, Karla Bonoff
61. One Hundred Ways, Quincy Jones
62. Blue Eyes, Elton John
63. Our Lips Are Sealed, Go-Go's
64. You Could Have Been Wih Me, Sheena Easton
65. You Can Do Magic, America
66. Did It In A Minute, Daryl Hall and John Oates
67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls (it started the great hair rebellion of 1983 ... don't ask)
68. Somebody's Baby, Jackson Browne
69. Oh No, Commodores
70. Take It Away, Paul McCartney
71. It's Gonna Take A Miracle, Deneice Williams
72. Love Will Turn You Around, Kenny Rogers
73. Don't Stop Bellevin', Journey
74. Comin' In And Out Of Your Life, Barbra Streisand
75. Gloria, Laura Branigan
76. Empty Garden, Elton John
77. Yesterday's Songs, Neil Diamond
78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police
80. Here I Am, Air Supply
81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald
82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang
83. Any Day Now, Ronnie Milsap
84. Make A Move On Me, Olivia Newton-John
85. Take My Heart, Kool and The Gang
86. Mirror Mirror, Diana Ross
87. Vacation, Go-Go's (this was THE graduation song)
88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen
89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters
90. Hot In The City, Billy Idol
91. Kids In America, Kim Wilde
92. Man On Your Mind, Little River Band
93. What's Forever For, Michael Murphy
94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones
95. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder
96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy
97. Goin' Down, Greg Guidry
98. Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross
99. Through The Years, Kenny Rogers
100. Edge Of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks

I've been tagged! This may take a while because I may feel I have to justify some of my music but here goes. From Skillzy (thanks, dood, I needed this), these instructions:

list ten songs that you are currently digging … it doesn’t matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they’re no good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they’re listening to.

This is not necessarily a true reflection of my preferences but it does show what I have in my music library, which is at about 12GB right now. My taste? I like music, what can I say? From the frightful 70's into my punk phase in college, where I DJ'd from '82 - '88 (discovered some great bands and, hopefully, helped them get some exposure. At least in the Greater Boston area). From then on I listened to everything, always looking for something new and different.

Being different for the sake of being different doesn't work for me, though ... neither do copycat bands. I like true originals, the ones that start music revolutions. I also have a strange aversion to anything that is too 'popular' ... if my mom has heard of a band, it's over.

No, this is not a post about regret, just a change of perspective.

The old saying is "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." Basically, you always want what you can't have and, once you get on the other side of the fence, you realize that what you had in the first place was perfectly fine ... and on and on ...

The altered version of this moth-eaten mantra is "The grass is always greenest where you water it."

Got something you want? Take care of it, nurture it, just water it, dammit ... and it will grow. Even cement crumbles after years of neglect ... relationships are much more fragile.



"It's Been Awhile"
Staind


And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry...